Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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Do I have a choice?
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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