thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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