Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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