matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he thought i was a dude.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
