Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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