she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
