I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you didnt know i had herpes?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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