(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
