I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
