rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize