I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
