Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize