the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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