Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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