"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The ass gains better be worth it
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