I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
