Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
