I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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