I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
