Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize