Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
