Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
