After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just pynch a tree in the face
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
