Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
