Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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