Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
