He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
