I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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