why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
