Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
