Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize