Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
