she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
