haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
