You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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