Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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