when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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