this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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