the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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