we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
