DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
