You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
