yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
