it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
