I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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