ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
