i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
