I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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