Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My dick has a subreddit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize