giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
