Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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