Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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