woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
