I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
