How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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