Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
one might say we're banned from that church
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
