you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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