He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
