I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
