I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
