Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
